


Ignorant sorrows and Dysphoric love

by Drabblesmostly



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Closeted Character, Coming Out, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, First Time, Fist Fights, Hate Sex, M/M, Quidditch, Rough Oral Sex, Smut, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 06:47:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18632956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drabblesmostly/pseuds/Drabblesmostly
Summary: Draco is a well hidden ftm, unbeknownst to most, and when Harry shows true passion towards him, he struggles to relay his feelings without outing himself. When consulting with Blaise, he gets more than he bargained for.





	Ignorant sorrows and Dysphoric love

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of the characters, no reason or intent for copyright infringement.  
> Draco being trans is just one of my head canons I dabble with from time to time.  
> Everybody's dysphoria is different, I'm just basing his off of mine and what feels right due to the wide variety of ways some feel.

Panting lightly under the glaring sun, Harry has his eyes closed as he runs vertically up the track. He's pacing himself, getting a feel for every piece of loose gravel that rolls underneath his foot for only but a second as he pushes off to his left to turn. The practice is extra long today. Not to mention, combined, as tournaments are coming up and every Quidditch team wants extensive practice, they have to share the court yards. Harry doesn't particularly have a problem jogging alongside his next week rivals if it didn't involve Draco Malfoy.

Initially, Harry figured Draco would challenge him on everything, shoot glares and prove he thinks he's better than Potter. And, initially, Harry was right. Although, the boy who lived didnt expect it to increase his stamina and push himself harder, making today one of his sorest yet eventful work outs. He may have to request combined drills more often. 

The teams were all to run for the next 20 minutes. It sounded devastating, but they were 9 minutes in and Harry honestly felt great. Some of the boys slagged behind a bit, but pushed themselves forward as their coaches called them out by name to do so. Harry's step falters when he realised that Draco was distressed with the running, probably a few laps behind at his pace. He didnt take pity, no, the Slytherin had been challenging him all night, so he simply rolled his eyes as he neared to pass Draco once more.

But, right as he is to pass the Malfoy for the third time, he notices an exchange of looks from the pale boy, with a tee on instead of shirtless as the rest of his team, and his coach. He observes, slowing his pace as to not turn the corner to miss the interaction. Potter witnesses Draco somewhat grip at his chest, obviously in some sort of pain, but shake his head at the coach. However, he is yanked off the field, before the Slytherin coaches expression showed concern as lecturing Malfoy sternly. It seemed as if Draco defends himself, before glancing over at Harry. The raven haired boy immediately realised that he, at some point, stopped to watch them.

Harry gasped as a stinging hex struck his calf; with an obvious intention engraved. Move along. So he did, after shooting a glare at Malfoy.

♤♡◇♧

Practice ended an hour before dinner, and after a shower to wash his sweat and dirt away, along with a soothing muscles spell, Harry set off to see if Draco was still in the Slytherin changing rooms. He wanted to know why he got off the hook for doing worse than others, when surely he would've gotten an extra mile.  
The slytherin changing rooms were almost identical to his own, save the red tiled floor was green. As expected. He carefully moved around the room, peeking around the corner and spotting his target, alone. 

Draco had his back to the rest of the room, facing a corner, as if habit although he is alone. Harry gulps silently as he watched Draco put on an impossibly tight half shirt, the outside of it almost seeming swimsuit material from what he seen. He hears a small, surprisingly higher pitched sigh of relief from the Malfoy, and the Gryffindor realises hes never seen the other boy in this state. Slow moving, careful as always of course, but there also seemed to be a tinge of sadness. 

Harry felt his lip tug in a small frown before remembering why he was there. He exhaled, watching Malfoys lower back muscles tense in obvious surprise as he hears someone else. Draco shoved his shirt on quickly, and Harry rounds the corner.

"Awe, I rather liked the tight crop" Harry coos, aiming for annoyance. It doesn't make Draco blush as he hoped it would. Instead the platinum blonde summoned his wand quickly.

"What did you see and why are you here." He growled through clenched teeth, glaring into green eyes behind thin wire frames.

The boy behind the glasses clutched at the wand in his robe pocket, putting a foot behind him cautiously. Malfoy smirks at this, seeming proud to emit such a reaction from the boy who lived.

"I didn't see anything, except you getting out of practice halfway through. What, bribing the coaches now, Malfoy? You barely did half a kilometer." Harry's eyes close toward his last sentence, in ego mostly. However his eyes open just as fast when he feels Draco summon his wand out of his pocket; holding both in his right hand.

"You better choose your next words wisely Potter." He warned slowly, his hands in tight fists. His left hand trickles blood as his nails dig in, and in his right hand he digs crescent moons in both their wands.

Harry analyzes the situation. Draco has his wand, but he's sure he's physically stronger than the skinny, sharp angled boy. "Or what? I can obviously outrun you-"

He's cut off by a wince, double stinging hexes on his legs. Before he can yell some sort of threat, their wands are thrown to the side and Draco Malfoy shoves The Boy Who Lived into the lockers. 

Oh, a muggle fight? Harry clenches his jaw after he gets over the initial shock, gripping Malfoys narrower shoulders and slamming him back instead, though much harder, followed by his thick hand over Malfoys scrawny throat. He doesn't apply enough pressure to choke, only to threaten it as he pushes against his trachea. Draco pays his throat no mind as he still groans over being slammed. Harry falters for a second, it just feels mean if he isn't hitting back. 

It's a short lived thought, as the Slytherins leg wraps Harry's ankle and pulls, making him fall against the cold green tiles. His vision goes black and fuzzy for a moment, long enough to miss Draco straddling his stomach and throwing a punch across Harry's cheek. Luckily it sobers him up instead of making everything even more woozy, and he flips the position once more. He growled as he drives his knee into Dracos stomach as the boy is on his side, before straddling him just as Malfoy had. 

Although his stomach twisted after the hurl to it, his pale slender hands curled into fists once more and he delivers a blow to wherever it reached; leaving harry with a split lip to match his cheekbone. 

It only sends Harry over his edge, pummeling into Draco for at least four closed fists, wrenching cries from the boy underneath him. Finally, his hand shoves into Malfoys soft, damp hair and grips, earning a wince from the owner of it, and pulling his head back. Malfoy closes his eyes in pain, both boys panting before a shaky voice grit out.

"You don't fucking know anything Potter." He seethed through his teeth, his eyebrow, lip and cheekbone had gashes, dark blood running down the side of his face and into his near white hair.  
He opened his eyes, seeing Potter over him was enraging, but his fist opened and slapped Harry across his face, hard enough to make him look another way.

The darker skinned man paused, keeping his head faced that way before slowly looking at Draco again. Suddenly, his only thought was how he wished he was holding Dracos hair another way. 

Both boys were surprised yet not when their lips angrily met and worked together, teeth clashing and tongues darting to take dominance. It was a needy, angry kiss that drove them both mad. Draco took the chance to push himself up and over Harry, arms on either side of him. Harry however took the opportunity to push Dracos shirt up, causing them both to shiver at the skin to skin contact when Harry gripped his hips down.

Draco pulls from the kiss as their position once more changes, Harry sitting up and having Draco straddle him. His hands slide over the soft muggle basketball shorts and onto his enemies ass, gripping and kneading. Harry presses small kisses to his neck and shoulders, slowly gaining confidence as he starts biting and sucking marks, each movement and hot breath on his skin causing Draco to moan softly. He tries to stop his head from spinning, buf he can feel Harry's cock against his stomach, ripping a groan from him at the thought. 

He pulls Harry's shirt off and Harry grips the hem of Dracos shorts, starting to pull down as he sucks a mark over the once porcelain skin. Dracos hands shakily move Harry's hands up to his hips instead, the boy obliging. After his lips release suction from his neck, Draco shoves them both to their feet, Harry against the wall as he slips to his knees in front of him. Holy shit, I'm about to blow Harry fucking Potter, was his only thought. Harry himself had nearly the same thought, head looking up in disbelief as eager hands shoved his pants and trousers down. He looked down to see Malfoy, his rival, basically drooling over his cock springing out of his boxers. He reached down and gripped Dracos hair in silent plea. 

Draco immediately obliged, staring up into Harry's green eyes as he kisses the tip of his dick, then leads a trail of pecks down his shaft and onto his navel. Once to the bottom, he wetly licks back to the tip before taking Harry into his mouth and sucking softly.  
Harry groans in pleasure, holding back to not just shove Malfoy over and finish then and there in his undoubtedly tight hole. With the thought he closed his eyes, bucking slightly. Draco had been slowly trying to take all of his length, so Harry had jolted into his throat. His grip on Dracos hair tightened as he realised how nice it felt down his rivals constricting, hot throat, and couldn't help but to hold himself down the others throat. After what he deemed was too long on Draco, he let go of his head but kept the hand in his hair. Draco sputtered, gasping for breath and looking up at Harry with tears from choking. 

With a shaky, coarse voice, he whimpered "Do that again," to Potter. Harry swears he could cum right there just from the sight of Draco on his knees, practically begging to be throat fucked, but first he thought he'd take him up on his offer. He shoved Dracos mouth back onto his cock, the boy under him moaning in approval and running his tongue along the shaft as Harry started thrusting in and out of his throat, not particularly fast, but very hard. He watched as Dracos eyes released tears from the stretch of his throat but the boy himself moan around him, eyes practically rolling backwards.

"Fuck, Draco, look at me," he growled softly in between pants and groans, and the Silver eyes met green, widening slightly as Harry pushed all the way into his throat and came, forcing it down as he ruts out his orgasm as quietly as he can.  
He shoves Draco off, who looks like he might've came just from helping, then leans down and runs his hands hungrily over the boys body. Draco kisses him, and it's as needy as it was before, but not rough. Harry runs his hands down to Dracos inner thighs, for the boy to shove them to his hips like he had before. Harry furrows his eyebrows in frustration, kissing for a minute more before pushing his palm over Dracos cock. They both shoved the other away, Dracos reason unsung whereas Harry's reason seems to have discouraged him. Draco scrambled to his feet, grabbing at Harry's arm before he was shoved away. 

"Harry stop I can expl-"

"What's your fucking angle Malfoy? Be able to blackmail me? Say you blew The Boy Who Lived? Fuck off." Harry interrupted, resorting to last names as he pulled on his shirt and fixed his pants. He grabs his wand from across the room. "Or was this just a fucking favour? Leave it to me to get a blowjob and not be able to give my partner a hard on." He cant tell if he's pissed at Draco or self conscious, but he apperates to his dorm before the other can reply.

♤♡◇♧

Dinner is awkward, and they're both late. Draco is later than Harry, and upon seeing his wounds and the Gryffindors, everyone starts speaking. It's easy to assume they fought, but no one knows what happened after. Their glaring is minimal that evening, both boy eating and saying little on what happened. 

Days go by, and everyone can feel the tension. Draco has always shot glares at Potter, ridiculed him in the hallways. But it seemed unending since the night the two came back with bruises and cuts. Each insult cut deeper, more cruel and personal than the last.  
It was only during the Quidditch tournament that things got out of hand. Both boys neared the golden sphere, and as their hands reached out to get it, Draco shoved sideways into Harry to knock him away.

"Whats your fucking problem?!" The darker boy growled, shoving back into Dracos side and grabbing the snitch, causing cheering from the Gryffindor stadiums. Draco growled, flying his broom down to the ground and getting off, not bothering to look at his teammates as he went toward his dorm.

"Fuck Potter and the Gryffindors, sleazy git, who the fuck does he think he is-" he fumed as he stormed into his room, ripping off his shirt and binder so he could breathe. He put on a baggy shirt fast after, unaware of the hot tears streaming down his face until he sits, wiping at them angrily. He only looks up when he hears his door swing open, Potter standing there, seemingly pissed until he looks at Draco. He analyzes his swollen eyes and tears stained face. Draco held his eyes for a moment, lucky for the baggy shirt and his crossed arms. 

Harry presses forward in a single stride, capturing Draco in a needy kiss he slowly returned. He lays a hand over Dracos jaw as his breath hitches from his previous crying, thumb wiping away tears. He pulls from the kiss, panting and kissing at the Malfoys jaw and under his ear. His voice is needing and seductive.  
"Im sorry, the aggressiveness might not have been your thing," his hand travels down to stroke Dracos thigh. "I'll make sure I get you hard, then we can do what you want." He pulls back to see Dracos face, biting his lip and waiting for approval. 

Draco pants, fuck, fuck, Harry is way too close. His perfectly thought through secret only those who knew him before Hogwarts knew was going to be blown. He wanted Harry so bad, he fucking loved him. But Draco knew what it meant and Harry could never love him once he knew. So another tear falls, and a porcelain hand slaps Harry once more. It was easier to make him hate him this way instead than to be exposed and denied. 

Harry gulps softly, pulling away swiftly and leaving the room.

♤♡◇♧

The boys don't bicker anymore, or glare. They steal glances from one another, hearts wrenching when they see the other looking. 

After weeks, Draco consoles with Blaise. The entire story being vented and sobbed inside the dorm room with a silencing charm. Blaise held Dracos hand softly as he listened, lips pursing in sympathy as he gathers his thoughts to advise the Malfoy.

"Draco," he starts, voice soft, "The Potter boy, I think he truly likes you I just.." he sighs, "I know you want to keep this secret. And I don't know how well Harry is educated. But, you are only hurting the both of you."  
Draco sniffed, nodding. He knows. He's trying. "I just, I just thought that if, if i was mean and powerful, yknow, I would pass better." He furrowed his eyebrows. "I didn't think I'd have have to come out again. It's so scary everytime. I didnt think there'd be a reason to." But there was now. A reason named Harry Potter. 

Blaise pulled him into a soft hug, chests not touching, he knew Draco didnt like to acknowledge himself without a binder, but Blaise demanded it off since his breathing was struggling through his sobs. Draco returned the hug, sighing softly and shakily long. 

"But," Blaise starts, licking at his lips, "say we clear that hes okay with that, are you scared of becoming, well, upset..during sex?" He mumbled against Dracos neck.

Draco could feel his powers seeping into him and shivers at it. Of course he's scared of having a panicked dysphoria episode in front of Potter, so he nods. It'd only occur to him later that Slytherins didnt do favours, they only benefit themself.

"I can always test the waters with you, y'know..see if you're comfortable, since I'm such a good friend," he muses, trailing kisses over Dracos collarbone. The smaller boys breath hitches as he considers, hands clutching his bedsheets. He meekly nods after a minute, letting Blaises powers course through him.

He's extremely gentle and slow, it's obvious that he wants this, wants to take Draco, but he's cautious and checks in often. He takes off Dracos shirt slowly, kissing his neck and rubbing his thighs, letting Draco decide if he likes it off for future notice. He doesn't, so Blaise helps it back on. He touches his chest softly over the shirt, watching Dracos face. He doesn't like that, but he pinches his nipple, and even mouths it over his shirt, and Draco does like that. He takes off Dracos pants, and takes out his packer, and the porcelain boy nods a little. He's squeamish when Blaise puts a hand under his boxers and begins rubbing his heat, but he ends up liking that, putting his forehead on Blaises shoulder and shuddering a few moans as he presses forward.

"Draco," he mumbles against his neck, never biting or sucking, leaving no clues he was ever there. "Would you want my mouth to do this," he rubs faster for emphasis, breaking his own rule and starting to bite Draco softly because fuck, he's helping a friend, but he's so unbelievably hard. Draco doesn't stop to think due to the added stimulation, nodding and allowing Blaise to move him onto his back. 

He tugs his boxers down greedily, settling between his legs a little too eagerly. Draco shakily wraps his hands into Blaises perfect locks, shifting slightly as he realises how close he is down there, but all complaints leave him once the man's perfect tongue starts doing what he promised, rubbing flatly like his index finger had, yet feeling so much better. Draco mewls moans and covers his mouth despite the silencing charm, Blaise at one points buried his tongue into Draco and his fingers rub instead and then his tongue is rubbing and Blaise pushes two fingers into Draco, watching him closely. 

Draco sobs a moan, he'd never done these things, he was always scared. Blaise doesn't stretch him, Draco doesn't know the difference due to his chosen ignorance, so he watches as Blaise lines himself up after taking out the fingers after only a moment. He looks up at him, his legs shaking as he nods slightly.  
Blaise pushes in slowly before he feels a barrier. Draco made an uncomfortable face, and Blaise gulped. Fuck, fuck, he's a virgin and Blaise forgot in his own want. He peers down at Draco, biting his lip and leaning down.

"I'm so very sorry Draco," he mumbles, putting a hand over the boys mouth and thrusting past the barrier. Dracos cry out was enough to break the silencing charm, but Blaise didn't realise, thinking he'd kept it controlled. They panted for a moment, Draco trying to adjust as Blaise held back on taking him. Draco nodded softly. Before long Draco was arching and begging for more, faster, harder. Each time it was fulfilled by Blaise eagerly.

♤♡◇♧

Harry consoled in Hermione. She was skeptical, but couldn't make much sense to it either. She told him perhaps to have a slow, unintamite conversation, so after working up his nerve, Harry set out to the Slytherin dorms near their common room. What he hadn't expected was countless males pushing their ears to Dracos door, and as Harry walked closer he realised why.

He seen a few with their phones out, summoning them to himself with his wand and growling. Everyone backed off. He threw a silencing charm over the room, deleted all audio records of it, and dropped the phones.

He braced himself and walked into the room. He just wanted to see who stole Malfoy away from him. He registered it was Blaise, then looked away. But he couldnt stop listening. The slaps of their hips together and Blaises soft words of encouragement drown out by Draco.

"Please, please, fuck! Im-im close Harry, please I want to come," he cried out. 

They hadn't even noticed him by the door, but Blaise stopped, pushing himself away from Draco at the name he cried for. Harry thought it was best to slip back out. He was confused, feeling somewhat betrayed but yet wanted. He went to his dorm, thinking everything over. 

♤♡◇♧

"Harry?!" Blaise growled, "I get this is for you and him but," he ran his hand through his hair, Draco shamefully watching him.

"I'm-I'm sorry Blaise I-"

"Get on your knees," he bit his lip, watching Draco sink off the bed and onto the floor. Blaise smiled softly, running his thumb over Dracos bottom lip before pushing the digit into his mouth. Draco looked up at him, suckling it softly. 

Blaise groaned, biting his lip. "Dont worry, you can come after I fuck that naughty mouth of yours," with that, he pulled the thumb out, replacing it with his cock. He held Dracos head in place, shoving to his throat. "Mmh, you blushed so much when you told me what you let Potter do to you," he growled, pulling out and thrusting back in, "how much you liked it, " he thrusts once more before pulling Draco roughly off, "tell me what you said to him." He growled.

Draco panted his breaths, looking up at Blaise. "D-Do it again;" he whimpered. 

Blaise groaned and pushed back into Dracos mouth, thrusting fast and abusing his throat, grumbling sweet appraisals and dirty words. He pulled out of his mouth, putting Malfoys hand on him to stroke. Draco panted, stroking him as best he could as he looked up. Blaise groaned, rutting into his hand as he came over Dracos face. He watched it happen, biting his lip. 

"You look so beautiful with tears, drool and cum on your face..now on your hands and knees on the bed, let's see if we can make you come." 

Draco panted, licking some spunk off his lips and moving as he was told with a whimper.

"Draco, do you think you've been punished enough for being so naughty?" Blaise inquired.

Draco whined and nodded, but the harsh slap on his asscheek told that Blaise thought otherwise. 

♤♡◇♧

Blaise cuddles up with Draco after another 20 minutes, breaking another of his rules and kissing him softly. He pulled away after a few moments. "Draco, I don't know that I want to share you with the Potter boy," he sniffed, smirking. 

Draco bit his lip, "I feel bad that we did this." He mumbled, looking away. 

Blaise nodded a little. "I understand. I'm sorry Draco, I should've controlled myself." He said before pursing his lips.

"I think I love him." Draco whispered mostly to himself, wiping his eyes as he laid on Blaises bare chest.

♤♡◇♧

"He what?" Hermiones jaw dropped, and Harry nodded, looking away.

"Yeah"

"Well, gross, first off, " she grimaces. "But, you two aren't together, he's allowed to do those..things.." she paused. "But I suppose saying your name does point that he's denying himself of you?" She furrowed her eyebrows, realizing Harry is spaced. 

"I think I love him." Harry whispered mostly to himself, wiping his eyes as he sat beside Hermione in the common room. 

"Listen," she grabbed Harry's hand. "Talk to him after dinner."

He nodded softly, sighing. "Thank you 'Mione."

♤♡◇♧

Harry was one of the last people in the dining hall after dinner, Hermione offering a small smile as she heads to her dorm rooms. Draco stood with the rest of his gang, catching Harry's eye and hesitating in his step. He says something to them and waits for their leave before both boys rushed to each other. 

"I have to tell you something-" they both said immediately, taking a moment.

"Go ahead," Draco purses his lips.

"No, you go ahead.." he mumbled, but started after realizing Draco wasn't going to speak first. "You're uhm, you and Blaise's silencing charm failed and. Well, I took care of it and anyone who heard." He blushed, looking down.

"You.." Draco trailed off. "That didnt mean anything. Harry I regret it right after it happened, he was only helping me,"

"Why are you telling me this?" The Gryffindor furrowed his brow.

"Pot-Harry, I have to tell you something thatll explain everything and you cannot tell anyone." He looked around and sat. Harry followed suite, and allowed Draco to continue. 

"I'm," he waited for the lump in his throat to pass. "I'm trans. I-I was made to stop practice because I wasn't supposed to be wearing my binder and I wasn't hard because it was a packer and I-I slapped you because I know you'll hate me now and it's easier for you to hate me because I'm a dick instead of because I don't have one," he spoke too fast, tears streaking his face and his voice failing. "Blaise is one of the only people who know, not even some of the teachers do, he wanted to-to make sure I would be comfortable if I ever went that far with y-"

Harry cut him off. It hurt him to know Draco thought it'd make him hate him, that Draco was denying himself love because he was scared of Harry's judgement. While he spoke, Harry realised how much power he had over the Malfoy, how easily he could crush him, and he thanked the Gods he would never dream of doing anything to hurt Draco. 

Harry cut him off. He gingerly grabbed Dracos wildly moving hands as he explained and pushed soft lips onto Dracos quivering ones. He kissed sweetly, sadly, only for a few moments, before resting his forehead on Dracos and wiping away the slytherins tears. Silver eyes met green ones.

"I love you, Draco."


End file.
